Some of us have scars you can see. Lines marking our skin. Reminders of painful experiences. Lessons we might have learned the hard way. Some hold a cool story about a wild night. Others are too difficult to discuss. 

But maybe you don’t have any scars at all? 

Perhaps you were lucky that your body was never marked. 

Either way, most of us have scars you can’t see. The same pain. Some of the same lessons. A lot of reminders. 

The difference is that with these scars the healing process is not as easy as the physical. 

There’s always a story there whether it’s been told or not. Someone’s openness to their story usually tells me where they are on the path towards healing. 

It’s that story inside of us that binds us to our view of the world. It begins to define how we see life and how we react to situations around us. 

The experiences that build the story of our life also build our behaviours. 

Some of them wanted and others unwanted. Unwanted because they seem destructive when in fact they may be trying to protect us or help us cope with feelings yet to be acknowledged. 

My unseen scars were made at age 12 and again at age 18. Those two experiences will forever mark my soul. I’m scarred in a way that has changed me. I was sexually attacked by two different men. 

Practically a child, that was my first sexual experience. Unwanted touch. Unwanted everything. 

How does one cope with these scars? 

I crafted a story that all men wanted was my body. That I could not trust my femininity or my sexuality. I could not rely on my intuition about people because I didn’t see this coming especially from 2 people I knew. Should I have? I was made out by many to be the aggressor. The one who invited such attacks because of the shape of my body. Seriously?! 

That was the end of my confidence and self-love having barely the opportunity to blossom. 

These beliefs structured my behaviours.

I wore baggy clothes to hide my body. For so long I over-ate to wear extra fat as my shield. I binged to feel full from something when I truly felt so empty. Understandably, I felt robbed of what should have been years of self-discovery, excitement and exploration. 

If you find yourself doing the same things please use this to help you manage Emotional Eating Moments

My scars were left to their own devices for far too long. I allowed my scars to control my life and my potential. 

I know so many of you understand this. You feel crushed by the weight of your sadness, anger and discontent. I’ve been where you might be. 

But I couldn’t live there anymore. 

I fell in love with my now husband. The first man I have ever trusted body, mind and soul. You can get a glimpse into our relationship here.

Then I became a mom to a girl. A responsibility to make this world a better place for her is one that I hold as my greatest endeavour. Showing her that anything is possible is part of my life’s mission. 

So I got to work healing from my scars. 

I found my voice. Then came my strength. Next I found my purpose. This took all the courage I could find. But I did it. 

Now I’m ready to help you do it too. 

I hope you’re brave enough to venture down a path I’ve been – you’re always worth the effort so here’s your first step. Can you look yourself in the mirror with love?

Jordanna

PS If you are struggling with these experiences from your past or in your present. Please seek safe help. Fight tooth and nail to recover your self-worth and confidence. Trust me the light on the other side is so worth it. Hugs.